For one week pick someone that is outgoing and expresses themselves in a way you admire. Make a detailed study of them. Observe how they handle themselves in all types of contact. How do they behave when they are stressed, happy, assertive, pensive? Just watch them. Take written or mental notes.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Make Believe
For one week pick someone that is outgoing and expresses themselves in a way you admire. Make a detailed study of them. Observe how they handle themselves in all types of contact. How do they behave when they are stressed, happy, assertive, pensive? Just watch them. Take written or mental notes.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Are You Naughty
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Everything You Wanted to Know About Self Esteem but were Afraid to Ask
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Are you a Jumper or a Dangler?
Friday, March 16, 2007
Challenge Your Thoughts
I have found something that will probably annoy, baffle and amaze you. It is called "Thought Awareness". That does not sound like fun. But it is something valuable for you to do to understand your shyness.
A lot of people believe they are shy because of childhood messages. A parent told you to "shut up." A sibling taunted you. Classmates rejected you or teased you. This information may be consoling to you but how is it helping you overcome your shyness. Now that you understand that someones thoughtless behavior was hurtful and harmful to you how do you rectify that? Perhaps by using Thought Awareness.
Here is the definition and ground work for Thought Awareness. Thought Awareness is a process. In this process you observe your thoughts for a period of time. You might say for the next 10 minutes I will be in Thought Awareness and observe my thoughts. Do not suppress any thoughts. Just notice what thoughts are going through your head.
Be on the look out for negative thoughts. These negative thoughts may come and go. They may sneak up. Here are some example of negative thoughts that may appear:
The next day set aside some time to review these thoughts. Be honest with yourself and see if these thoughts are based in fact. Are they reasonable, rational? Are they possible but not probable. Can you challenge these thoughts. Take a good look at these thoughts. How do they relate to you feeling shy? Are you a person that has many irrational thoughts? I think you will find that you may be involved with these negative (irrational thoughts). Now that you have this knowledge start to talk to yourself in a more rational, realistic way.
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Start on you Thought Awareness. Get to know yourself. Take a look at the thoughts that run you. Take a look at the thoughts that come up when you feel shy. Write them down. Challenge them. The discover that you can remove them.
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Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Too Shy for Marriage
I have a friend, Megan, that I have known since childhood. When Megan was in her 20's she was in love with Jake. Megan and Jake were dating for 5 years. They were both in love. They met and took it slow. They got to know each other. They both had careers. Jake was in advertising so he spent long hours at work. Megan was in retail and she to spent long hours at work. They had to make time to see each other because of their jobs. They had a pretty stable relationship. They had few arguments and fairly similar values. In other words they were compatible and in love.
Megan and I were different people. I was always outgoing and a big mouth. I was never considered shy. Megan was quieter and more withdrawn. I never thought of her as shy when we were growing up. Looking back I suppose she was shy. Not painfully shy but shy nevertheless.
Megan and I got along famously. I enjoyed her company and we had a good time together. Megan felt comfortable with me so I did not notice she was shy.
Fast forward to Megan and Jake. The relationship reached a point where Megan knew Jake was the one. She wanted to get married. She did not bring this up with Jake because she was shy. She also was afraid to scare Jake with the “M” word. But she longed for marriage with Jake. They both loved each other. Jake told Megan many times he loved her. Jake never mentioned marriage. Megan was nervous and agitated over this. This was on her mind. She started to feel insecure. She wanted to talk to Jake about this but she could not. She was waiting for Jake to mention it. He did not.
She spoke to me about it. I was puzzled. I asked Megan why she did not mention this to Jake. All she said was she can't. I still did not know she was shy. She never said she was too shy to discuss it. All she said was why doesn't Jake care enough to talk about it. I had no answer to that. My only answer was that Megan should bring it up. Megan's only answer was she could not bring it up.
I told Megan what I do with things like this that come up in my life. I told her how she was at an impasse. She had drawn a line. I told her to cross that line. That is what I do when things come up. Megan said she could not cross that line. I could never understand why she could not cross that line.
That was 20 years ago. Megan and Jake parted company a few months after we talked about the “line” concept. Jake met someone else and they were married 3 months later. Jake moved away. Megan mourned her lost love for Jake. Megan became depressed. Megan never got over Jake.
The tragedy here was that Jake was waiting for Megan to mention marriage and Megan was waiting for Jake to mention marriage. Neither did and so they parted. Jake wanted to get married also. He was too shy to bring it up. He met someone that was not too shy to bring up marriage and so he married. Megan never got married. Megan lost her one true love.
What are you missing out on because your shyness inhibits you? This is sad story but it is a true story.
Could this be you? Don't miss out on the good things in your life because you are shy. Don't let your shyness impede your enjoyment of your life. Take care of your life. Take care of yourself. You can transform your life. You can cross that “line.”
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Friday, March 9, 2007
Inspiring Thoughts
Today I share with you other people's words. I believe they speak about the struggle you are having with your shyness. These quotes are truthful and inspiring. Take a look at them and see how they speak to you. Do they motivate you? Perhaps they will put you on a new path. Perhaps they will offer you an opening to make the change you wish.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Helen Keller
With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. Keshavan Nair
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Anne Dillard
The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. Charles Dubois
The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. Gloria Steinem
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. M Scott Peck
www.notshynow.com - My free newsletter for those who want to take back their lives.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Thursday, March 8, 2007
The Opposite Sex
Shyness and Romance
I asked a question on a website. It was a straightforward question. Here is the question.
'IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO IS SHY HOW DO YOU REACT? DO YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW THEM OR DO YOU MOVE ON? WHY?”
The answer has some good news and some bad news. Here comes the good news.
I want to get to know them. I want to find out why they are shy. I want to follow my heart and do what I feel is right. If it were the other way I would want someone to get to know me.
I would be myself. Shy people are willing to listen and get to know you first.
I would keep trying to get to know them.
I like shy people. They simply lack self confidence and there is no shame in that. Shy people are interesting to talk to once they become comfortable with you. You will find a really amazing person underneath the shyness.
Shy is kind of nice. Refreshing. I would try to get a shy person to relax and let them see the human side of me. I like to get to know them better and see what makes them tick. Shy people can be a blast once once they get relaxed and get to now you. I prefer shy people to over confident and cocky. They are worth the wait.
If I am really interested in this person I will give them time to open up. I will set a certain amount of time of time for them to open up.
People say a lot of things about shy people. Some comments are nice, some are nasty, but most don't even bother to connect..
Whenever I meet someone who is shy...I try to feel his mood. If I sensed that he wants to be alone, I just leave him at his peace. But if he's alright with my friendly gesture, and or if fate got our paths crossed the next time around, I approach the person, introduce myself and try a compliment or say something nice about him that i notice. Maybe crack a joke just to break the ice!
Even the most shy person you know could have a very interesting personality just hiding behind that timid self. Maybe he just needs some time to loosen up a bit. It's not cool to judge a person just because he's not outgoing or very vocal about himself. Being misunderstood just because..isn't cool at all. Get to know him..because if you just let yourself "move on" without knowing him, you'll be spending the next 10 years of your life wondering about the "what IF's" of your social life.
So what do you think of these answers? Are your surprised or did you know this all along? Did you know that people find shy people sexy and attractive? Has this boosted your confidence?
I think this information is extremely valuable. It means don't give up finding true love, companionship, friendship. It means give people a chance to get to know you. It means go easy on yourself.
No comes the bad news.
Move on, it's too difficult to bring people out of their shells.
Normally it would not matter. But as time passes I learned that I'd rather move on. Unless I'm really wanting it to work. I would give it a try. But if it becomes too frustrating and tiring for me then I would move on especially if it is too difficult to bring them out of their shell. If they can not communicate their emotions well I can not read their minds. It is too hard.
This is a difficult one for me because, I am also very shy myself. So, if I were to meet someone else who is just as shy, there wouldn't be a whole lot of talking going on.
In my experience, shy people tend to attract opposite personalities (just as well for us!).
I'll try to initiate the conversation by talking about something ...but if after a time I do not get a response then i guess I'll move on ....especially if that person is the opposite sex..
Move on if they can't communicate their emotions well and I can't be a mind reader. Too hard and too much work with so many people out there.
I'll try to initiate the conversation. If after sometime there is still no response then i guess I'll move on ....especially if that person is the opposite sex.
This is not actually serious. What it does say is that people do not want to work to get to know other people. They would prefer it to be a give and take. They are willing to give it a shot but they expect a reaction.
They also want to know where they stand with you. They need feedback . They are willing to be patient but they will need TLC back in a fairly short time period. So if you know someone like this and you like them don't dawdle. If you do they could be gone. Just make the attempt. They will appreciate that.
If you need more help join my free newsletter.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
PS Let me know what you want to hear about. Tell me about your romance issues.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
My Name is Luna
Today I want to tell you about Luna. Luna is a shy person. She has a lot of difficulty meeting new people. She has extreme difficulty telling people her name, Luna. It is not a common name. It is an unusual name. Just saying, “My name is Luna.” is a major stresser for Luna. She does not want to draw attention to herself. Introducing herself draws attention to herself. Her name is a conversation piece. When she tells people her name (which she rarely does because it stresses her out) people usually comment on it. More attention drawn to her. More anxiety. More shyness. More wanting to withdraw. More wanting to escape. More wanting to go back to safety. This was Luna in 2006.
Now it is 2007 and Luna is still named Luna. Only now in 2007 Luna can introduce herself and feel okay about doing that. What changed between 2006 and 2007 for Luna? A lot..
Sometime in 2006 Luna got fed up. She was tired of feeling nervous, worried, agitated, stressed, frightened, apprehensive, edgy, flustered, upset, uptight, on edge, troubled, uneasy, bothered, and hyper sensitive. Luna was 20 years old and she freaked out when she said her name. It was time for her to get a handle on this once and for all. It was time for Luna to have a life. It was time for Luna to feel better.
Luna decided to seek help. She went to a psychologist. Luna did not know why she felt shy. Luna analyzed her background. There were things in her upbringing that she felt had something to do with her feeling shy. Luna felt a psychologist could help her with these issues. After a couple of sessions with her psychologist Luna discovered something. Luna was pretty surprised at this discovery. Luna found out she was depressed. That was a strange discovery. Luna thought she was shy. She did not feel depressed. Luna's psychologist explained that
“Although no one knows why, a great number of depressions are also accompanied by anxiety. In one study, 85 per cent with major depression were also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Because they go hand and hand, anxiety and depression are considered fraternal twins of mod disorder.”
This was an eye opener for Luna. At last Luna had an answer to what was really going on inside of her. At last Luna could get help and move on.
It is important understand exactly what is going on with you. It is important to get the whole picture.
Can you be experiencing depression? Can you be misled by how you feel? If you think depression may be part of your shyness then please check out this product. Do something good for yourself today.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
PS Love to hear from you.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Fear is a Joy Killer
Fear is a powerful emotion. Fear can be crippling. Fear can interfere with your life. Fear can take over your thoughts. Fear is in a innate response but... it can also be a learned response. That means you can teach yourself not to be afraid. YOU CAN UNLEARN YOUR FEAR.
Become your own teacher. Teach yourself how to overcome your fear. I have the course for you. Use my course and overcome your fear. Do this in the privacy of your home. Study hard and succeed.
www.notshynow.com
Marcia, your Confidence Coach