Sunday, April 29, 2007

Learn how to Interact





I found this post from Cassandra. She shares her story about feeling shy.

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H i, I am new here.


I was always a shy child.


My mother was extremely shy. This makes it difficult to connect with people. So this is where I think the social anxiety comes from. I always felt alone. Probably because I have a very small family. I was not emotionally connected to my family. My brother ignored me, father in his own world and mother extremely shy so she did not talk much.


This left me alone and did not give me the tools to be social. I am shy but when feeling comfortable I love to talk, debate and share. But only when I am comfortable. Then I let loose.


So I have not learned to balance my shyness and wanting to connect. I am trying to find a happy medium where I feel comfortable. I don't like small talk - I feel bad but this bores me. I guess I am a bit intense and like to discuss interesting things. I am constantly analysing myself to figure me out. Thanks for reading my rambling. I am very kind but get bored easily. Can anyone relate at all. I would love to hear your experiences.
Cassandra

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Cassandra wants to connect with people. She feels she was not taught how.


She also mentions a balance between communicating and small talk which is one way to lead to deper communicating. First you need to meet up with someone in a gentle casual way and then you move on to more deep thoughts and personal things.


This is a common expereince if you are shy. Small talk is a stepping stone to friendship. Small talk is the way we meet and see if there is more to a relationship depending on the setting.


However, contact has to start somewhere on some level. You can learn this.



Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Friday, April 27, 2007

Garrison Keillor on Shyness




Here is Garrison Keillor's personal take on shyness.

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Shy folks, unite! And, don't feel so woebegone

by Garrison Keillor


`Sometimes I feel that maybe we shy persons have borne our terrible burden for far too long now. Labeled by society as "wimps," "dorks," "creeps," and "sissies," stereotyped as Milquetoasts and Walter Mittys, and tagged as potential psychopaths ("He kept pretty much to himself," every psychopath's landlady is quoted as saying after the arrest, and for weeks thereafter every shy person is treated like a leper), we shys are desperately misunderstood on every hand. Because we don't "talk out" our feelings, it is assumed that we haven't any. It is assumed that we never exclaim, retort or cry out, though naturally we do on occasions when it seems called for.


Would anyone dare to say to a woman or a Third World person, "Oh, don't be a woman! Oh, don't be so Third!" And yet people make bold with us whenever they please and put an arm around us and tell us not to be shy.


Hundreds of thousands of our shy brothers and sisters (and "cousins twice-removed," as militant shys refer to each other) are victimized every year by self-help programs that promise to "cure" shyness through hand-buzzer treatments, shout training, spicy diets, silence-aversion therapy and every other gimmick in the book. Many of them claim to have "overcome" their shyness, but the sad fact is they are afraid to say otherwise.


To us in the shy movement, however, shyness is not a disability or disease to be "overcome." It is simply the way we are. And in our own quiet way, we are secretly proud of it.
It isn't something we shout about at public rallies and marches. It is Shy Pride. And while we don't have a Shy Pride Week, we do have many private moments when we keep our thoughts to ourselves, such as "Shy is nice," "Walk short," "Be proud--shut up," and "Shy is beautiful, for the most part." These are some that I thought up myself. Perhaps other shy persons have some of their own, I don't know.´


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Get paid to Read E Mails

I just wanted to let you know about a part time job you can do at home by yourself. You get paid to read e mails. YOU DO NOT PAY TO JOIN THIS SITE. THEY PAY YOU.

This is ideal if you are shy and want some extra income.

The emails are on a web page so they will not clutter up your in box.

You select the topics you are interested in.

This job would be for money for a rainy day. It could also be good for your family members that do not have the time to work outside the home.

Pass this on.

See what you think.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

You are an Adult



Do not do anything about your shyness. Do not attempt to work on any shyness issues you have. Don't get the raise you want. Don't get the promotion you deserve. Don't socialize. Just remain the way your are.


That is reverse psychology. It sounds kind of silly. It may work on kids. you are not a kid. You are an adult.


So take the adult route. Visit here.


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Monday, April 23, 2007

Your Break is Over


Monday. The start of a new week. The start of new challenges for you.
What will you do this Monday to overcome your shyness? Have you given up? Have you stopped working on this situation?
Why? Things you tried did not work. Things you tried made you feel uncomfortable. Things you tried became tedious. All good reasons. All good reasons to give up. Not good reasons to press on.
Sorry that you have given up. Sorry that you have good reasons to give up. Sorry that you tried and did not get what you wanted.
Is that who you really are? Are you a quitter? I know that you are not a quitter. I know that you have NOT REALLY given up. You are on a break. You needed a breather.
Break is now over. Breather is now over. Time to get back on target. Time to pick up where you left off.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Friday, April 20, 2007

An Appeal


I am greatly disturbed by the information about Cho Sueng-Hui. Apparently he had some problems with shyness. Under no circumstances am I stating that his shyness caused his rampage.
What did disturb me was the unfortunate lack of understanding and knowledge of his public school teachers. He was asked to speak in class and for him this was a difficulty. Unfortunately, his teachers were not trained nor experienced in how shyness can affect public speaking.
Perhaps we need more information about how shyness does affect a student.
He was also teased by his classmates. This can be hurtful and painful. It can be difficult for people that are not shy to truly understand how shyness can affect someone. Of course ignorance is no excuse for thoughtless, callous behavior.
However, the damage is done and the hurt remains.
If you are shy and feel that you want to overcome your shyness please visit her. If you know someone that is shy please pass this along to them.
If you are not shy please consider your actions more carefully. I know that your intention is not to be hurtful.
PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT BLAMING NOR DEFENDING ANYONE. I AM POINTING OUT SOMETHING THAT WAS INVOLVED IN A TRAGIC CHAIN OF EVENTS. THE RELEVANCE OR IMPORTANCE OF WHAT I AM DISCUSSING IS NOT SOMETHING I AM TAKING A POSITION ON. MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL WHO WERE AFFECTED BY THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Shyness Poems




I found these poems about shyness. I think they are lovely, sad and heartfelt.


SHY by Kristen
Timid eyes
Seeking out an answer
A lump in the throat
Attacking like a cancer
Small dull emotion
All that can be shown
Hear a faint cry
As you lie there all alone
Envious of ideal
Images to be
The solemn, barren face
Is all that they can see
Reflections in the mirror
Are as good as it can get
Loneliness is no lost
Stranger to be met
Sadness is the base
For strength that you will gain
For now throw on a smile
And dry up all the rain



A poem by Dannii SHY
DO YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SHY?

TO WISH THE GROUND WOULD SWALLOW YOU UP,
TO SOMETIMES JUST WISH YOU COULD DIE,
TO BE SO CRIPPLED WITH FEAR
YOU NEVER LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL
TO JUST SIT ALONE
AND CRY AND CRY
TO ASK YOURSELF WHY?
TO ALWAYS FEEL AS IF YOUR BEING WATCHED
WHEN REALLY YOUR NOT
TO NEVER BE ABLE TO FEEL AT EASE
AND ALWAYS BE EAGER TO PLEASE
TO ALWAYS FEEL THE 'ODD' ONE OUT
TO ALWAYS HAVE THAT HORRIBLE SELF DOUBT.



By Gerard Williams
Shadow

i am
the shadow
walked all over

cast
upon the wall

unnoticed
hiding in the night
hiding from the light


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS always a joy to hear from you.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Communication





Communication


There is a story of an old missionary who struggled by himself for many years in a remote area of the world.


Finally, the Mission Board wrote to tell him it had raised enough money to send an assistant. They sent a young man who had the self-confidence that comes with being young and right out of seminary.


When the young man arrived at the mission station, they called together the chief and the entire tribe to welcome him.


Then they asked the young man to say a few words. He could speak only English, so the old missionary stood by to translate. The young fellow said something like this: "We must always remember that there is an infinite and qualitative distinction between the eternal gospel and all the historical manifestations of it under the contingencies of human existence."


The old missionary stood for a moment dumbfounded, as the young man waited for him to translate.


Finally, the wise old missionary turned to the people and said, "Friends, he says he loves you and is glad to be here." -- USWest Health & Safety

To shoot over the heads of those we address does not so much reveal that we are brilliant as it reveals that we are poor shots. -- Dr. Dale Turner

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One thing shy people fear is saying what is on their minds. One reason is you believe that you will not appear intelligent, witty, deep, etc. Also you believe you will sound foolish.

I hope this story illustrates the point that you can be more effective if your communciation is easy to understand and meaningful. You do not have to speak in a way that is foreign to you nor your listener.

To get you on your way to speaking with confidence please check this out.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Give Yourself a Helping Hand


The Boy Bathing
A boy bathing in a river was in danger of being drowned. He called out to a passing traveler for help, but instead of holding out a helping hand, the man stood by unconcernedly, and scolded the boy for his imprudence. "Oh, sir!" cried the youth, "pray help me now and scold me afterwards." Counsel without help is useless.
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Is this what happens when you talk with yourself about your shyness? Do you scold yourself? Are you harsh with yourself?
Why not give yourself a helping hand? You know that scolding yourself makes you feel worse, inferior, helpless and humiliated. Those feelings will not help you overcome your shyness. What will help you overcome your shyness is a helping hand. You can give yourself a helping hand. Be nice to yourself. Help yourself.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
PS Comments are like flowers. I enjoy them. Leave me some.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

The Key


The other day I was looking for my keys. I was in a mini panic because I could not find my keys. You would think I had lost something so valuable that my life would be over if I did not find it. It is just a piece of metal.


Yet my keys are very valuable and important to me. They are important to me for what they can do. A key can unlock or open something you want and need. A key can lead you to uncover something that is of great importance in your life.


A few minutes had passed. My mini panic was subsididng and I focused on finding my keys. I was looking for them as if my life depended on it. It did because without my keys I was stuck. I was not going anywhere.


I could take a risk and go somewhere without my keys but that could leave me open to something unwanted even dangerous.


So I searched and searched and I found my keys. I was elated.


Now I could go where I wanted to go. I could go where I needed to go and feel confident.


Have you lost your key to overcome your shyness? Are you searching for your key to overcome you shyness? Are you trying to overcome your shyness without a key to assist you?


This is your key. Use it to get to where you want to go.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Obstacles




Obstacles? Deal with Them Now by: Brian Cavanaugh, T.O.R., The Sower's Seeds


An old farmer had plowed around a large rock in one of his fields for years. He had broken several plowshares and a cultivator on it. The rock bothered the farmer but each year he thought it was too big to deal with. Each year he would deal with it next year. After breaking another plowshare one day, and remembering all the trouble the rock had caused him through the years, he finally decided to do something about it.


When he put the crowbar under the rock, he was surprised to discover that it was only about six inches thick and that he could break it up easily with a sledgehammer. As he was carting the pieces away he had to smile, remembering all the trouble that the rock had caused him over the years and how easy it would have been to get rid of it sooner.


Is this you? How objectively are you looking at your shyness. Do you believe that dealing with your shyness is insurmountable? If you are viewing your shyness subjectively then you are probably not seeing it clearly. Look at it objectively and see if you could deal with it piece by piece. Do a little each day to overcome your shyness. Take baby steps. Chisel away the obstacle that is infringing on your life.


Check this excellent report out. It can be your sledgehammer to overcome your shyness.


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Monday, April 2, 2007

Courage



If you are shy you are probably concerned about speaking up and out. Probably you do not. This story shows the importance of speaking up. You need courage to do the right thing and say what is true. See if this story inspires you to get out of your shell.
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ABE LINCOLN made the great speech of his famous senatorial campaign at Springfield, Illinois. The convention before which he spoke consisted of a thousand delegates together with the crowd that had gathered with them.
His speech was carefully prepared. Every sentence was guarded and emphatic. It has since become famous as "The Divided House" speech. Before entering the hall where it was to be delivered, he stepped into the office of his law- partner, Mr. Herndon, and, locking the door, so that their interview might be private, took his manuscript from his pocket, and read one of the opening sentences: "I believe this government cannot endure permanently, half slave and half free."

Mr. Herndon remarked that the sentiment was true, but suggested that it might not be good policy to utter it at that time.

Mr. Lincoln replied with great firmness: "No matter about the policy. It is true, and the nation is entitled to it. The proposition has been true for six thousand years, and I will deliver it as it is written."
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach