Lonliness

Shyness and loneliness. You do not have to by shy to feel lonely. However, most people that are lonely frequently are also shy.

If you are shy it will be a struggle for you to connect with someone. That someone can be a friend or a lover.

The other day I got an e mail from a man 40 something. He stated he had traditional values. He was also shy. He also stated that he is a nice guy with a lot of nice, good traits. He wanted to know if he would ever find someone special if he was unable to approach anyone.

My reply was that it was not likely. I explained that a shy man with traditional values who wants a woman who can appreciate those values would have a hard time connecting. Why? Women that like men with traditional values usually want a man that is strong, the take charge type and make the first move type. This shy man was not able to do that at the present. I also told him that his nice traits would not be noticed if he was too shy to put himself out there.

I felt my answer was straightforward because I did not want to mislead him. I wanted him to see where he was at and decide if love beat out being shy. I wanted him to see if his desire to meet someone would motivate him to deal with his shyness.

If that was not the case he can end up lonely and alone.

I was also curious to see what other people said about his situation. The answers were all similar to mine. He did not have a good chance of meeting anyone if he was going to remain shy.

So for him and many others shyness and loneliness will go hand and hand. Of course it does not have to be like that. You and he can choose to finally confront your shyness. You can do something about your shyness.

Learn how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Get Unstuck

Today I will probably say some things that may anger you. I am not sorry about doing this. I am just letting you know what people that are shy have expressed.

There are two ways to see the world. There is the way that benefits you and lets you learn and grow. There is the way that keeps you stuck.

People that are shy view the world in the way that keeps them stuck.

Is this harsh? Are you starting to get angry? Okay. I am not worried that I have stated something that is getting a rise from you.

When you are shy practically everything you do that relates to other people will get your intense attention. You will obsess and worry ahead of time. You will be overtaken by physical sensations that you find unpleasant.

Right now you are starting to feel uncomfortable but you know exactly what I am talking about.

You will feel defeated before you even start. You will get into your negative thinking. You will know the outcome before anything happens. You are stuck with the reaction you know will happen. You are focused on the negative. You are focused on your own reality. You are focused on failing.

Even if you do what you fear and it does not turn out badly you do not trust that outcome. You do not trust that outcome to be repeated. You are proud it did not turn out badly but you do not believe that this positive outcome can be repeated by you.

Once again you are focused on your own reality. Once again you are stuck. You do not believe that you can benefit and grow from letting go and trusting yourself.

If you fail you see that as a tragedy. Failing has a benefit. Failing is a learning experience. I love the Bob Dylan line:

"She knows there's no success like failure and that failure's no success at all."

Success and failure are not the same but they do go together. Failure leads to success.

Confusing - yes.

True - yes.

Isn't it time to be different? Isn't it time to alter your reality? Isn't it time to trust yourself? Ins't it time to succeed? Isn't it time to get unstuck? Join the unstuck.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Learn how to Interact

I found this post from Cassandra. She shares her story about feeling shy.

**************************************************************

H i, I am new here.

I was always a shy child.

My mother was extremely shy. This makes it difficult to connect with people. So this is where I think the social anxiety comes from. I always felt alone. Probably because I have a very small family. I was not emotionally connected to my family. My brother ignored me, father in his own world and mother extremely shy so she did not talk much.

This left me alone and did not give me the tools to be social. I am shy but when feeling comfortable I love to talk, debate and share. But only when I am comfortable. Then I let loose.

So I have not learned to balance my shyness and wanting to connect. I am trying to find a happy medium where I feel comfortable. I don't like small talk - I feel bad but this bores me. I guess I am a bit intense and like to discuss interesting things. I am constantly analysing myself to figure me out. Thanks for reading my rambling. I am very kind but get bored easily. Can anyone relate at all. I would love to hear your experiences.
Cassandra

*******************************************

Cassandra wants to connect with people. She feels she was not taught how.

She also mentions a balance between communicating and small talk which is one way to lead to deper communicating. First you need to meet up with someone in a gentle casual way and then you move on to more deep thoughts and personal things.

This is a common expereince if you are shy. Small talk is a stepping stone to friendship. Small talk is the way we meet and see if there is more to a relationship depending on the setting.

However, contact has to start somewhere on some level. You can learn this.

See how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Garrison Keillor on Shyness

Here is Garrison Keillor's personal take on shyness.

****************************************************

Shy folks, unite! And, don't feel so woebegone

by Garrison Keillor

`Sometimes I feel that maybe we shy persons have borne our terrible burden for far too long now. Labeled by society as "wimps," "dorks," "creeps," and "sissies," stereotyped as Milquetoasts and Walter Mittys, and tagged as potential psychopaths ("He kept pretty much to himself," every psychopath's landlady is quoted as saying after the arrest, and for weeks thereafter every shy person is treated like a leper), we shys are desperately misunderstood on every hand. Because we don't "talk out" our feelings, it is assumed that we haven't any. It is assumed that we never exclaim, retort or cry out, though naturally we do on occasions when it seems called for.

Would anyone dare to say to a woman or a Third World person, "Oh, don't be a woman! Oh, don't be so Third!" And yet people make bold with us whenever they please and put an arm around us and tell us not to be shy.

Hundreds of thousands of our shy brothers and sisters (and "cousins twice-removed," as militant shys refer to each other) are victimized every year by self-help programs that promise to "cure" shyness through hand-buzzer treatments, shout training, spicy diets, silence-aversion therapy and every other gimmick in the book. Many of them claim to have "overcome" their shyness, but the sad fact is they are afraid to say otherwise.

To us in the shy movement, however, shyness is not a disability or disease to be "overcome." It is simply the way we are. And in our own quiet way, we are secretly proud of it.
It isn't something we shout about at public rallies and marches. It is Shy Pride. And while we don't have a Shy Pride Week, we do have many private moments when we keep our thoughts to ourselves, such as "Shy is nice," "Walk short," "Be proud--shut up," and "Shy is beautiful, for the most part." These are some that I thought up myself. Perhaps other shy persons have some of their own, I don't know.´

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Get paid to Read E Mails

I just wanted to let you know about a part time job you can do at home by yourself. You get paid to read e mails. YOU DO NOT PAY TO JOIN THIS SITE. THEY PAY YOU.

This is ideal if you are shy and want some extra income.

The emails are on a web page so they will not clutter up your in box.

You select the topics you are interested in.

This job would be for money for a rainy day. It could also be good for your family members that do not have the time to work outside the home.

Pass this on.

See what you think.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

You are an Adult

Do not do anything about your shyness. Do not attempt to work on any shyness issues you have. Don't get the raise you want. Don't get the promotion you deserve. Don't socialize. Just remain the way your are.

That is reverse psychology. It sounds kind of silly. It may work on kids. you are not a kid. You are an adult.

So take the adult route. Visit here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Your Break is Over

Monday. The start of a new week. The start of new challenges for you.

What will you do this Monday to overcome your shyness? Have you given up? Have you stopped working on this situation?

Why? Things you tried did not work. Things you tried made you feel uncomfortable. Things you tried became tedious. All good reasons. All good reasons to give up. Not good reasons to press on.

Sorry that you have given up. Sorry that you have good reasons to give up. Sorry that you tried and did not get what you wanted.

Is that who you really are? Are you a quitter? I know that you are not a quitter. I know that you have NOT REALLY given up. You are on a break. You needed a breather.

Break is now over. Breather is now over. Time to get back on target. Time to pick up where you left off.

Time to move forward.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

An Appeal

I am greatly disturbed by the information about Cho Sueng-Hui. Apparently he had some problems with shyness. Under no circumstances am I stating that his shyness caused his rampage.

What did disturb me was the unfortunate lack of understanding and knowledge of his public school teachers. He was asked to speak in class and for him this was a difficulty. Unfortunately, his teachers were not trained nor experienced in how shyness can affect public speaking.

Perhaps we need more information about how shyness does affect a student.

He was also teased by his classmates. This can be hurtful and painful. It can be difficult for people that are not shy to truly understand how shyness can affect someone. Of course ignorance is no excuse for thoughtless, callous behavior.

However, the damage is done and the hurt remains.

If you are shy and feel that you want to overcome your shyness please visit her. If you know someone that is shy please pass this along to them.

If you are not shy please consider your actions more carefully. I know that your intention is not to be hurtful.

PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT BLAMING NOR DEFENDING ANYONE. I AM POINTING OUT SOMETHING THAT WAS INVOLVED IN A TRAGIC CHAIN OF EVENTS. THE RELEVANCE OR IMPORTANCE OF WHAT I AM DISCUSSING IS NOT SOMETHING I AM TAKING A POSITION ON. MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL WHO WERE AFFECTED BY THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Shyness Poems

I found these poems about shyness. I think they are lovely, sad and heartfelt.

SHY by Kristen
Timid eyes
Seeking out an answer
A lump in the throat
Attacking like a cancer
Small dull emotion
All that can be shown
Hear a faint cry
As you lie there all alone
Envious of ideal
Images to be
The solemn, barren face
Is all that they can see
Reflections in the mirror
Are as good as it can get
Loneliness is no lost
Stranger to be met
Sadness is the base
For strength that you will gain
For now throw on a smile
And dry up all the rain



A poem by Dannii SHY
DO YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SHY?
TO WISH THE GROUND WOULD SWALLOW YOU UP,
TO SOMETIMES JUST WISH YOU COULD DIE,
TO BE SO CRIPPLED WITH FEAR
YOU NEVER LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL
TO JUST SIT ALONE
AND CRY AND CRY
TO ASK YOURSELF WHY?
TO ALWAYS FEEL AS IF YOUR BEING WATCHED
WHEN REALLY YOUR NOT
TO NEVER BE ABLE TO FEEL AT EASE
AND ALWAYS BE EAGER TO PLEASE
TO ALWAYS FEEL THE 'ODD' ONE OUT
TO ALWAYS HAVE THAT HORRIBLE SELF DOUBT.



By Gerard Williams
Shadow
i am
the shadow
walked all over
cast
upon the wall
unnoticed
hiding in the night
hiding from the light


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS always a joy to hear from you.

Overcome Shyness The Story of Lyndy

The Story of Lyndy

There are shy people and non shy people. No one is shy 24/7 and no one is not shy 24/7. I have a friend, Lyndy. She owns her own business that she built up from scratch. She is an artist and her business is artistic. She is a home decorator. She is doing what she enjoys and making a good income at it. In my experience it is not usual for artists to be tops in business. In my experience it is not usual for artists to like the business end of art. That is why I think Lyndy is unusual. I do not think she loves the business end of interior design but she knows she must do it in order to generate income.

Fortunately for her she is a people person and that is a big part of her business. She also is an assertive person. I would not think of someone who is assertive as being shy also. Yet as I stated no one is not shy 24/7. I learned that in some circumstances Lyndy is shy. I was surprised to discover this. Lyndy is assertive most of the time. Yet there are actually times she is shy.

Let me give you an example. Lyndy is actually shy when to comes to meeting men for romantic purposes. She is fine with meeting men as friends and clients but if romance is involved Lyndy turns into a shy person. Lyndy had a long time love and they broke up. It has been three years since Lyndy met anyone else to love and love her. I have encouraged her to get out there and meet men. She always has an excuse not to meet men. Yet she is sad because there is no one special in her life.

Does this sound familiar? Does this sound like you? You are usually assertive EXCEPT when it comes to…..

Lyndy is only shy when it comes to meeting men for romantic purposes. In most other situations she is assertive. However, being shy when it comes to love is serious. What is even more serious is that Lyndy does not want to recognize the fact she is shy when it comes to meeting men. She does not think she is shy when it comes to meeting men. Due to her intelligence her brain has tricked her into thinking it is the men, not her shyness that stands between her and true love. She has excuse after excuse why she will not put herself out there and meet her next true love. There is only one reason she has not met her next true love. When it comes to the opposite sex she is shy.

Being shy in only one area of your life can be serious. Look at Lyndy. Don’t be like Lyndy. Don’t miss out on a big, valuable part of your life. Join my newsletter. Buy my product. Get back into your life.

www.notshynow.com

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Would love to hear from you. I never moderate comments so feel free to be brutally honest.