Too Shy for Marriage

I have a friend, Megan, that I have known since childhood. When Megan was in her 20's she was in love with Jake. Megan and Jake were dating for 5 years. They were both in love. They met and took it slow. They got to know each other. They both had careers. Jake was in advertising so he spent long hours at work. Megan was in retail and she to spent long hours at work. They had to make time to see each other because of their jobs. They had a pretty stable relationship. They had few arguments and fairly similar values. In other words they were compatible and in love.

Megan and I were different people. I was always outgoing and a big mouth. I was never considered shy. Megan was quieter and more withdrawn. I never thought of her as shy when we were growing up. Looking back I suppose she was shy. Not painfully shy but shy nevertheless.

Megan adapted to her shyness. She hid her shyness. She did not speak up in school. She got by. She had a circle of friends mainly because she was not a threat to anyone. Megan would never stab you in the back. Megan would never gossip about you. Megan would never start rumors about you. Megan never demanded things from you. Megan was easy going and easy to be with.
Megan and I got along famously. I enjoyed her company and we had a good time together. Megan felt comfortable with me so I did not notice she was shy.

We only had one problem. We had a friend in common that lived in our apartment building. This friend, Cindy would invite Megan and myself over to play. We were about 11 years old. Cindy was one of those kids that liked to boss other kids around and create trouble. Cindy was a mean kid. She was manipulative and sneaky.

When Cindy, Megan and I got together for playing Cindy would exclude me. She would play with Megan and leave me out. Megan went along with this because she was flattered by Cindy's attention. I did not appreciate this type of treatment and stopped accepting Cindy's invites to her house. Megan continued to be friends with Cindy. I did not understand why Megan aligned with Cindy and I did not think about it much. What I did not know was that Megan was shy and she could be easily dominated by Cindy. Megan could not stand up for herself. I had no interest in dominating Megan. I just enjoyed her friendship.

Fast forward to Megan and Jake. The relationship reached a point where Megan knew Jake was the one. She wanted to get married. She did not bring this up with Jake because she was shy. She also was afraid to scare Jake with the “M” word. But she longed for marriage with Jake. They both loved each other. Jake told Megan many times he loved her. Jake never mentioned marriage. Megan was nervous and agitated over this. This was on her mind. She started to feel insecure. She wanted to talk to Jake about this but she could not. She was waiting for Jake to mention it. He did not.

She spoke to me about it. I was puzzled. I asked Megan why she did not mention this to Jake. All she said was she can't. I still did not know she was shy. She never said she was too shy to discuss it. All she said was why doesn't Jake care enough to talk about it. I had no answer to that. My only answer was that Megan should bring it up. Megan's only answer was she could not bring it up.

I told Megan what I do with things like this that come up in my life. I told her how she was at an impasse. She had drawn a line. I told her to cross that line. That is what I do when things come up. Megan said she could not cross that line. I could never understand why she could not cross that line.

That was 20 years ago. Megan and Jake parted company a few months after we talked about the “line” concept. Jake met someone else and they were married 3 months later. Jake moved away. Megan mourned her lost love for Jake. Megan became depressed. Megan never got over Jake.

The tragedy here was that Jake was waiting for Megan to mention marriage and Megan was waiting for Jake to mention marriage. Neither did and so they parted. Jake wanted to get married also. He was too shy to bring it up. He met someone that was not too shy to bring up marriage and so he married. Megan never got married. Megan lost her one true love.
What are you missing out on because your shyness inhibits you? This is sad story but it is a true story.

Could this be you? Don't miss out on the good things in your life because you are shy. Don't let your shyness impede your enjoyment of your life. Take care of your life. Take care of yourself. You can transform your life. You can cross that “line.”

www.notshynow.com

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Start your Love Campaign

So if you are anti Christmas there is an expression for that. It is bah humbug! How about if you are anti Valentine's Day? No expression. Love is great. Valentine's Day is not. It is okay at best. There should be an expression for those that are anti Valentine's Day.

I am not a lover of Valentine's Day. I know many people that weep on Valentine's Day because they are alone. How can a holiday that is about a good thing love end up making so many people feel bad? Valentine's Day reminds the loveless that they are without love.

Valentine's Day is so in your face. The cards, the ads, the giddy people. It is especially difficult for shy people. It is especially difficult for shy people that are longing for someone special.

My words of wisdom for shy people is to think of Valentine's Day as a bad holiday. Do not think of yourself as a needy person. Do not think of yourself as a person that is lacking. Just understand that this year Valentine's Day will not be your top holiday. If you want it to be a top holiday next year start now. Devise a campaign to find love.

Here is my idea for your love campaign. Check out some online dating sites and put up your profile. Be honest and include that you are a shy person. Start online chatting with some people that interest you. Then take the plunge and meet them. Do this in earnest like you are campaigning for a lover.

Let me know how this goes.